If you have spent any time perusing psychedelic message boards or online communities, then you have undoubtedly come across the widespread fascination with ego death. The concept of ego death is nothing new, and it’s certainly not an experience confined to psychedelic circles, but it’s definitely the psychedelic community that has brought the experience into mainstream awareness.
In many communities of psychonauts, ego death is often seen as some ultimate goal, some initiative experience that one must complete to fully transcend and experience the totality of the psychedelic state.
But what exactly is ego death? It certainly doesn’t sound pleasant, and in practice, forcing yourself to have an ego death experience through the use of psychedelics can be pretty rough. The aftereffects of an ego death experience are often profound and transformative, but there are also much safer ways to experience the loss of ego.
This article will explore the ego death experience, whether achieved through the practice of meditation or the use of psychedelics. We will also touch on the ironic notion that the pursuit of ego death as a goal is actually quite egotistical in itself.
What Is the Ego?
To understand what an ego death is, you must first recognize what the ego is.
The ego has been defined differently by various individuals and groups throughout the years. The general consensus, however, is that your ego is your identity, that which is developed as we grow and evolve through our lives.
We aren’t born with an ego. Immediately after birth, and up until we learn to separate ourselves from the world around us and have unique experiences, we live in a state of fluid connection with the world around us. Infants aren’t able to draw a distinction between themselves and their environment, which is largely responsible for their highly reactive, awe-inspired and spontaneous relationship with it.
As we grow older and recognize that the environment and the people in it are different than we are (for example, when we’re hungry and mommy can’t give us food right away), we begin to separate ourselves from the world. This separation is inherent to the development of our ego.
Our ego reflects our individuality. It’s a collection of ideas, beliefs, reactions, behaviors, attitudes and other personality components that we tend to refer to as “me.”
In Freudian psychology, the ego is that which attempts to achieve the primal desires of the id. It contains the defensive, perceptual and cognitive functions of the mind. It’s the part of the id that has been modified by the external world and thus is shaped specifically by our unconscious needs and our ability to fulfill them.
The ego is what allows us to function, to form relationships, to learn, and basically to exist in the world as it is today. Without our ego, we would not be able to differentiate ourselves from the person next to us. Our ego contains everything that makes us unique and therefore keeps Us grounded in our own identity.
What is an Ego Death?
Ego death is a term used to describe the “complete loss of subjective self-identity.” There are numerous schools of thought that define ego death, although they all share a very similar core meaning.
- In Jungian psychology, ego death and psychic death are synonymous. They both refer to profound psychological transformations. Jungian psychology does not necessarily consider ego death meaning a loss of identity. Rather, the ‘death’ occurs alongside the decision to build one’s life anew following the realization that certain behaviors and habits are unhealthy or toxic.
- In myths and legends, ego death tends to reflect self-surrender and transition. It is often a fundamental theme in death-and-rebirth mythology. When considered allegorically, the tale of Jesus Christ can be seen as a story of ego death and the subsequent transformation.
- Psychedelic communities use the terms ego death and ego loss interchangeably. The first recorded use of either term in the psychedelic community is attributed to Timothy Leary who was describing the first phase of an acid trip during which users experienced a “complete transcendence” of the self.
- New Age spirituality uses the term ego death quite loosely. In most cases it refers to the detachment from a separate sense of self that obscures an individual from their true, or higher, Self.
- Psychonautwiki.org, one of the most comprehensive sources of current-day information regarding psychedelics, differentiates between two phenomena referred to as ego death:
- The first is stage-4 memory suppression, marked by an inability to recall or comprehend any memories, including those associated with one’s selfhood and identity. The result is a complete and choiceless immersion in the present moment.
- The second refers to high-level states of unity consciousness in which one’s sense of self is entirely absent.
As far as the psychedelic community is concerned, the ego death is a transcendent experience.
The experience is often profoundly unsettling and, for many, downright terrifying. The ego represents our entire identity, worldview, and existence. It is the complete collection of our reactions and responses to every experience that we’ve ever had.
To say that ego death is like having the rug pulled out from beneath you is an understatement. It’s more like having the entire universe pulled out from underneath you and being left confused and isolated.
Symptoms of Ego Death
Not sure if you’ve had an ego death? You’d probably know if you had. Just in case, though, here are a few symptoms associated with ego death.
- Feelings of profound love and unity
- Complete loss of a sense of self
- Feelings of extreme fear, terror, isolation
- The shutdown of mental processes such as thinking
- Neutral engagement with reality; the processing of concepts without any intervention from past memories or experiences
- Loss of memory or inability to recall memories
So Why Bother Killing the Ego?
If the ego identifies who we are, why on Earth would somebody want to kill it? It doesn’t sound very pleasant, and yet ego death remains one of the most sought-after experiences among psychedelic users. In spiritual communities, ego death is not so aggressively pursued, but it is still regarded as one of the most important and transcendent experiences that a human being can have.
When one approaches an ego death without resistance and accepts that life can continue even if you’re not the center of it, the experience can be incredibly rewarding. First, however, you will feel vulnerable and exposed beyond belief. After all, what is there left to be once you’ve destroyed everything that you believed that you were? Nothing.
For many, this is too harsh of a reality to cope with. They resist this realization and cling desperately to anything that can provide some semblance of self-identity. In doing this, the virtue of the experience is lost.
Those who can relinquish their ego gracefully will experience an entirely new perspective on life, the universe, and the people in it. By shedding your perceived identity, by killing the personality that you’ve built to fill a niche in the world, you come to recognize that there is no niche to be filled and that you’re already an essential part of a composite whole.
Thus, in being nothing, in having no separate identity, you come to recognize that you are an important component of something far greater than you ever believed possible. Rather than being an isolated, lonely and fragmented personality reaching out to others in search of love, connection, and unity, you realize that you are that unity. That you’re intrinsically linked to the universe and all beings in it, that the separation between Self and Other is a delusion set in place by the ego to preserve its individuality.
You come to see the beauty of unity. By sacrificing the Self and the separation that is inherent to Self-dom, you are gifted the keys to the kingdom of unity and selflessness. You destroy yourself and gain the world.
Causes and Methods of Ego Death
There are many different situations that can lead somebody to experience ego death. Some of these are intentional and are the result of years of sustained effort, concentration, and hard work. Others may happen entirely by accident. Here are a few examples.
Meditation and Spiritual Practice
Meditation and yoga are important spiritual practices. While many traditions say that there is no inherent goal to meditation, the average of us remain addled by our egos and have a hard time doing anything without first finding some sort of benefit in it.
Either way, the purpose of basic medication is to just “be.” It is not to aggressively silence the mind, but to simply observe it, observe your surroundings, observe the world and those in it, observe your thoughts and feelings, observe everything as it is, accept it, allow it to be, and then let it go without forming any attachments to it.
With regular meditative practice, people will slowly hone the ability to see the unity inherent in all life. The separation between the Self and the Other, the experience and the experienced, will begin to blur. After years of practice, it may happen that the practitioner entirely loses their sense of self and becomes fully immersed in the world around them. This is considered an ego death.
Some psychonauts in pursuit of an “ego death meditation” are disappointed to learn that there’s no specific practice designed to bring about an ego death. In fact, the pursuit of ego death for the sake of personal gain is, inherently, egotistical and hugely ironic.
Near-Death Experiences.
It makes sense that something described as an ego death could be achieved when somebody comes dangerously close to the brink of losing their life.
People who have survived terrible car accidents, for example, often report having their lives flash behind their eyes. They may also report feeling a sudden connection with the universe and those in it that they cannot explain.
This spontaneous connection is the result of the individual’s awareness being temporarily severed from their ego, thus removing the illusory boundary that isolates the Self from the rest of the universe. When this separation is removed, even for a moment, the resulting experience is a profound sense of unity that often remains with people long after they have returned to safety.
Psychedelic Experiences.
The ego death is one of the most sought-after experiences for psychonauts craving intense experiences. High doses of powerful psychedelics, most notably the incredibly-potent tryptamine 5-MeO-DMT, can completely shatter the individual ego, leaving one at the whim of the universe.
This experience is often said to be so profound that it forever changes the way that people perceive the universe and the people in it.
Our Final Moments.
It is said that 5-MeO-DMT is released in the human brain at the moment of death. Some believe that it is released earlier, in our final days and weeks, as we come to terms with our mortality. Meditative practices also prepare people for the very moment of death, believing that this is one of the most, if not the most important moments in our life.
Many people seem to enter a state of bliss and happiness as they approach their final moments. Contrary to feeling fear like one might expect, they seem to be content and blissful beyond all explanations.
This surprising blissfulness can emerge when the ego dies before the physical body has passed on. The resulting sense of unity, love, and connection is powerful enough to reassure them of the beauty inherent in all existence and to remain in the moment even as they lay in preparation for death.
Is Ego Death Safe?
When an ego death is achieved through the process of meditation and spiritual work, it will usually only occur after the practitioner has many years and thousands of hours dedicated to their practice.
In other words, they will have sufficiently honed and cultivated their awareness and the necessary tools to allow themselves to remain grounded, present and aware during even the most extreme situations.
In this case, ego death would remain a powerful and compelling experience, but would certainly be one that the practitioner could handle.
On the other hand, forcing one’s self into an ego death experience by ingesting massive quantities of psychedelics can be traumatic, especially if the user is uninitiated and has no prior knowledge of spirituality or psychedelics.
Ego death is an extremely powerful experience that is said to feel a lot like death itself. Considering that we are entirely identified with our ego from the moment that it develops, most people can’t differentiate between their physical body and their ego. As such, ego death and ‘real’ death are indistinguishable for many. Being faced unprepared with the sudden threat of death can have long-lasting and unwanted side effects. In the most extreme scenarios, this could lead to people developing mental pathologies that might require psychological intervention.
That’s not to say that psychedelic-induced ego deaths are always dangerous, though. Many people have experienced sudden, unexpected ego deaths and found the experiences incredibly rewarding.
Set and setting are incredibly important. It’s also important to educate yourself thoroughly about any psychedelics that you plan on using. Be cautious with your usage and make sure that you’re surrounded by other educated, experienced users who can take care of you in case of an adverse event.
Conclusion
Ego death is a powerful and profound experience and one that we’re all destined to experience, whether or not we want to. Even if it’s not until we’re lying on our deathbed, the dissolution of the ego is inevitable because it’s only an illusion held together by our psyche.
Hopefully, this article has helped you understand why so many people are out there chasing the death of their ego. If you do choose to attempt an ego death experience, make sure that you’re careful and well-prepared.
